NamaHone Drabbles
by Chomp257
Summary: Just a series of short one-shots that I tend to write for the Namazuo x Honebami ship. (I hope I didnt get the rating wrong, I'm so new to this website ;;)
1. Flames (1)

p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"You sit up so quickly it hurts - the flames cut into you like knives - clenching the bedsheet with both hands - the tears that streak down your face evaporate so quickly you don't even know if you're really crying - sweat streaming down your face./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"You've had another nightmare, not your first by far - you can faintly hear the sound of flames crackling but it sounds so distant, though you're in the center of the fire - but Honebami had left; you didn't know where he was - you couldn't move; didn't know what was happening; nothing registered anymore but pain- you thanked the heavens that Honebami couldn't see you now; he had enough on his plate without you flipping out on him like this. Again./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"Panting as you tried to relax, to wash those images off your mind - you tried to get to your feet, but they were burnt and charred and just the thought of standing made your head spin - just as Honebami would've done, but -the flames seemed to rise higher, and somewhere in another part of the house, you could hear Honebami crying for help - it was no use; not when the person himself wasn't there to help you./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"You felt so weak like this, trapped in your own mind - you tried, again, to get to your feet; to help your brother - Honebami always insisted you were stronger than him - it was no use; you couldn't move; you retched into the flames, vision blurring out of control - and you'd always laughed it off, but deep inside you knew - the flames laughed at you as you fell - that he was the one that - they spat at you in disgust - saved you from yourself./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"Somewhere in the distance, you notice the click of the door as Honebami enters the room - you hear nothing in the silence that fills your mind, and the house falls quiet even as the sirens race towards you - but you barely register it because your mind isn't yours anymore - your vision seems to blur with nonexistent tears and waves of heat that ache so bad you wished you'd pass out already - and the bed creaks as he sits down next to you, gently pulling you into him as he hugs you tightly; tighter than the flames; tighter than you can bear./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"You sob loudly in his arms, and the silence fills with sounds of your weakness, but he covers it all up and makes it good with soft sounds of reassurance that calm you down, and the flames die out - they tell you Honebami's fine when you finally wake up, and you're relieved - and you gradually fall asleep in his arms, the smoke drowned out by his scent as he holds you, till morning smiles gently through the curtains./p 


	2. Smiling for him (2)

You've never understood why he bothered to smile - not when you knew how hard it was to smile, when your insides felt all torn up and pierced through and burnt. His smiles got annoying at times, when he tried to convince you that he was fine, even though he should know that you knew better - you were the one that comforted him at night and fought his nightmares off with him, after all - but he didn't.

And every time he forces yet another painful smile onto his face, you feel like his ripping your heart out of your chest, and it hurts, more than it hurt when the flames lapped at your feet, more than it hurts when he has to comfort you at night, more than it would hurt if he ever decided to leave you.

Because that, at least, was something you'd prepared for.

The two of you are tasked with horse duty, and Namazuo grins when he hears about it (a sort of real smile; he loves horses, after all) but you can't stop yourself from brooding, can't stop it from wreaking havoc in your mind, can't stop it when your temper begins to flare. And then he throws some horse dung at you (' I'll throw horse poop at those I hate') and it's suddenly the last straw for you.

"Namazuo…" You breathe his name more than you speak it, but for some reason he hears you (for a moment you let yourself believe the two of you are connected), but you know better than to really think the two of you could ever be the same - not when he was so much stronger than you, who came out of the fire completely unscathed. "I've been thinking about what you said, recently, about smiling more…"

He looks at you with hopeful eyes, but when they meet yours, they turn sad, and you wish he'd never heard you.

"I'm sorry, but I can't smile. It's too much for me, and, honestly, seeing you smile hurts even more…"

His expression falls, then darkens to something that tugs at your memory, but you can't grasp it - he's angry with you, and you don't understand why, because he told you not to lie to him, not to pretend, even though he does it all the time-

You suddenly find that you don't mind making him mad, anymore, because you're angry too; angry at him, and at yourself, and the stupid world that kept playing around with the two of you.

"I guess I'll just have to stop smiling at you, then."

Then he's gone, and you feel numb, just like you'd always pretended you were - numb but aching dully somewhere in your chest, like a just healing scar, or a poorly stitched up wound. How could it not hurt, though, when your world came crashing down on you like this? How could it not hurt, when the sun died? How could it not hurt, when you felt like your chest had caved in on itself?

But you just stand there, watching dully as the light leaves you behind in the dark, just like you've always been, you realise (the light was never yours to hold). So you just watch him stride away, flames licking at your feet, but never seeming to burn you, no matter how much you wished they would hurry up and kill you already.

Because no matter how ready you'd thought you'd been, nothing could have prepared you for this.

-  
The next few days were a blur of words that you muttered nonstop under your breath; apologies, accusations, and confessions that you knew he'd never hear (your pride would never let you tell him).

And then there were weeks of torture, when you finally thought you'd gotten over losing him - discovering feelings buried deep in your chest that you wished had never surfaced. Watching him smile and talk with the others, and wishing, for the first time (that you could remember) that he would smile at you, too, with that careful smile, and, maybe, real smiles that made your heart skip a beat.

Somehow, you find yourself collapsing on the battleground months later, too tired to fight, too sick of life to live.

He's not ready when the blade swings down, because he's looking back at you, and when he hits the ground, you nearly cry out with him; but instead you charge forward to kill the person that hurt him. Sure, you feel kind of… crazy, darting forward to kill somebody you didn't even know, but you'd killed many times before (though never for someone else).

-  
You don't cry when he dies, you just take it in your stride because you have to - he's been dead to you for months, and you can't bring yourself to cry over his death when he hadn't even been alive in the first place.

Instead, you smile softly at him as he lies there in the confines of a wooden case you knew he'd love (there are horses on it), and whisper a promise you know you'll keep. The others just think you've gone crazy over his death, and they may be right, but you don't care.


	3. untitled (3)

p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"You laugh softly when he tugs awkwardly on your sleeve, looking away from you in embarrassment. "What is it?" you ask gently, but he seems startled by the question, and immediately lets go./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"You're pleasantly surprised by it, though./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"~br /The next day brings new surprises with it, to the point where Tsurumaru might just find his reputation getting threatened with its events./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"First is Honebami talking at the breakfast table./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"Not once in your whole entire life have you ever heard your brother talk during meals, not even before that (or so you believe). Yet, today, for some reason, Honebami chose to comment about the koi fish in the pond before taking the next bite of his onigiri./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"Naturally, everyone choked on their food when his voice suddenly cut through Yamanbagiri and Tsurumaru's heated 'hood or no hood' discussion./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"The next incident came when you were about to leave for yet another sortie. They were routine by now; the saniwa was careful not to get you and the others injured. But just as you were about to step outside and join the others, Honebami rushes out of nowhere - yet another shock since he almost never runs - and you barely manage to steel yourself in time before he's there hugging you, asking you to please stay safe, and you can't help but worry about him./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"~br /That night you ask him if something's bothering him, but he just looks away from you, not meeting your gaze. You sigh softly, frustrated by his silence, and stride over to him, forcing him to look at you by grabbing his shoulders./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"But instead of running away, you find him leaning into your arm, cautiously watching your reaction. You're still with shock, and he seems to take that as a good sign, leaning further into you, now resting his head (awkwardly) on your stomach./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"So you laugh (awkwardly) and kneel down, pulling him gently towards you. You can feel him smiling slightly into your shoulder, and you relax almost instinctively, letting the warmth rush over you at the feeling of really, actually holding Honebami this close for once (he's usually too shy for these things unless he's asleep…)/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"The two of you stay that way for a while, then your feet start to go numb, so you climb into the bed with him and hold him until he falls asleep./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039);"You stay up long after that, listening to him sleep. Watching over him./p 


	4. Home (4)

You knew that this was supposed to be home, but it felt different.

It was close enough, though. Closing your eyes, you let the wind blow gently through your hair, soothing you. It felt familiar, almost.

Namazuo was laughing as he ran about, looking happier than you had ever seen him. You smiled slightly, but something seemed off.

Everything seemed off, because nothing made sense.

You couldn't remember anything. After so many years searching for your memories, after all the battles and injuries, you'd began to think of this place as the one which held all your memories.

Yet you remembered nothing. Nothing, except all the times you'd spent with the other swords. They were you brothers too. And the kind saniwa, who always took care of everyone…

This wasn't home anymore, not for the current you. The you that had so, so many memories, who still selfishly wanted more.

You let a single tear fall, for the past you would never recall, then wipe it away, letting everything go, standing up to walk to Namazuo's side.

He's smiling, a little sadly, at you. "You don't remember, do you?"

You shake your head, and your voice doesn't tremble when you say "Let's go home."

This place might have once been home, but not anymore. Home was where your heart was; with the others. With Namazuo.

He holds you close when you cry on the way back, for all the things you'd lost.

Then he kisses you, lovingly, for all the memories you'd yet to make.


	5. The Sky Can Only Cry for So Long (5)

The sky can only cry for so long, but the storm outside doesn't look like it'll be ending anytime soon.

You're sinking in a pile of dirty sheets and empty pillow cases, waiting for him to find is where you always seem to end up hiding; stuffy and drowning in yesterday's laundry, taking comfort in the familiarity of it all (smells like home) while waiting to be found, because you don't see why you should run and hide when you'll get found, anyways.

Besides, he smiles whenever he finds you here… and sometimes he kisses you, too…

You like seeing him smile, because his smiles light up your small little 'world', ripping apart the darkness that had spent countless hours building up inside you, flourishing in the emptiness of your mind, where your memories should be…

But when he's around, it doesn't matter anymore, because you know that once he's by your side, you won't be hurt anymore. (he promised, after all)

And the sky can't cry for so long, can it?

The rain beats down on the roof, echoing in the small laundry room, and you pull a blanket over your ears to muffle the thunder that tears through the rain's steady rhythm.

"Found you again!"

You look up, and of course he's there, beaming down at you, like your personal sun. (though you feel as though he's more like a super-bright star, there to guide you through your night)

"... You found me." Stumbling slightly over the untidy piles of laundry (what did you expect with so many swords living in the same place?), you make your way to where he's leaning, smiling softly at you from the low, wooden door frame. (Taroutachi always seemed to be complaining about it)

"Of course I found you, silly. I promised, right?"

Still grinning clumsily at you, he reaches for your hand, pushing off the door frame with the other. (and you know he's telling the truth, because angels never lie)

You let him hold you to his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, and wonder what life would be like without him. If you lost him in the darkness that you spent your days in, what would life be like?

But Namazuo gently strokes your back, smoothing your worries away like all the insignificant creases in your clothes, so you trust in him to always find his way to you; take a deep breath; and let it all go.

The storm outside continues to rage, and thunder echoes through the heavens as it destroys all clouds in its wake, but it doesn't scare you anymore.

The sky can only cry for so long, and as long as you're here, dry and warm with him (and the others), you're sure that you'll be able to wait it out.


	6. Liar Liar (6)

You pretend not to notice when Honebami lies to you.

He does it without thinking, it comes to him like breathing; that carefully arranged expression feigning cool indifference, even though you know that he's crying inside.

You pretend not to notice that Honebami likes you more than he should.

And that you like him back.

You laugh off his confessions, shrugging away the ropes that he attempts to use to bind you to him. You won't let yourself be held down by anybody, not even Honebami.

So when he tells you, again, that he loves you, pretending to be indifferent, you laugh, and tell him "of course!" like he didn't mean it that way.

He's sick of your lies, though, and (surprisingly enough) he kisses you.

"I love you, Namazuo."

You push him away, of course. As if you could accept his feelings. You're his brother, doesn't he understand that?

"Good joke, Honebami, but I think it went a little too far."

"It's not a joke."

"Way too far."

You run from him, too afraid to say yes. You don't want to be tied down by love, because it hurts too much. It's not worth the trouble, you explain to yourself.

Then why did it feel like you were ripping your heart to shreds by leaving Honebami?

The days pass tediously, dull and colourlessly. Ichigo seems to notice there's something up, but you shrug him off, lying through flashing teeth, and he eventually leaves you alone, though not without much suspicion.

Honebami drifts away like leaves on the surface of the pond, and you watch him slowly leave you, not once looking back.

'Love me? What a joke, he barely even cares about me!' you chuckle, ignoring the looks he sends your way.

He asked for too much, and you couldn't give it to him.

So why did it feel like he'd been the one who'd given more, even after all you'd done to repay him?

Why wouldn't he let you go?

You confront him on Monday to find out if he still cares about you.

"I've gotten over you, of course," is his reply, and you don't acknowledge the feeling of hurt that rises in your chest when he does. His feature have been expertly arranged into a neutral expression that you find you can't read any more, so you just nod and leave him, again, standing all alone.

Honebami doesn't call after you, and you don't look back, either.

Liars walk their separate paths, because they can't fool each other.

'I don't regret anything,' you swear to yourself, but you know that all that you've really promised yourself is that you can't go back to how you used to be with Honebami.

Or was all that time a lie?


End file.
